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When Nico goes on stage to perform, she has two goals in mind: to shine as bright as she can, and to bring the biggest smiles to people's faces. It's been that way since she was a kid, when her only stage was the living room floor and the audience consisted of no one but her mother, and it hasn't changed one bit.

Until she met Akiha, anyway.

To Nico, the mere fact anyone could look down on idols is unthinkable -- and worse yet, even as she got to know Akiha, that opinion of hers has barely budged. If she could, at least, just write her off as some ignorant moron spewing pointless nonsense, that would've been one thing. But something about that girl caught her interest, and she found herself running into her again and again, until they've come to form an off sort of friendship. Until Nico's come to respect-- even like her.

Akiha's not stupid. She's capable, mature, and effortlessly elegant, a lot of things Nico would like for herself. Not that she'd admit it, because god knows she's bigheaded enough as it is -- but she can't just write Akiha off. She can't ignore it. The thought is a tireless drill at the back of her head, even when they're talking about anything but.

To have her insistently cling on to that baseless disapproval feels, by this point, like a personal insult.

So today, Nico's decided to prove herself. Her school's holding a fair, open to all, and u's will be performing. It took every form of badgering Nico has in her arsenal, from aggressive demands to guilt trips to puppydog eyes, but she successfully convinced Akiha to come. This time, beyond a doubt, she'll make her understand.

The school auditorium might not hold the flare of some of their previous venues in Akiba, but it does offer one significant privilege: peace of mind. They don't have to go up against other groups, they don't have to worry about the weather, and they've been allotted an entire half-hour, making this their longest concert to date. This gives them the chance to perform in their units of three on top of their usual group songs, and Nico's even the center in one.

And she's going to show Akiha exactly what she's worth.

"Nicocchi, you're spacing out." Backstage, Nozomi flicks her forehead, causing her shoulders to twitch. "Don't tell me Super Idol Nico-chan's getting nervous now, of all times?"

"Don't be stupid," she snipes back, flipping a twintail before reaching for her water bottle and gulping down a mouthful. It's cool, and helps sharpen her focus. She grins up at Nozomi. "What's a show like this compared to Love Live?"

"Heh, that's what I like to hear!"

--

Nico doesn't let herself fixate on Akiha. Her eyes skim the crowd for her between songs, and once she's found her, she shoots her the occasional glance from the corner of her eye. But she doesn't let it serve as a distraction, and she definitely doesn't let it hinder her from putting on the best show she can. She sings and dances her heart out -- all nine of them do, just like always -- and the audience cheers and yells and squeals, calling out their names.

It's only after the last song is over and the crowd's begun to disperse that she marches over to Akiha, grabbing hold of her wrist and tugging her towards the backstage with only "come with" to serve as greeting.

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Akiha spends a long while mulling on that. Too long. She doesn't even react to Nico squeezing her hand, as focused as she is on her words.

A date. She knows that's essentially what she wanted. She knows that's what her feelings are. But - she can't accept that. It isn't what the head of her family should be doing. More than that, it just isn't possible. She's never exactly been attracted to any man - her father had tried to arrange a marriage for her once and she'd found the whole thing utterly disgusting, as a matter of fact - but still, for her to be attracted to another woman?

It just shouldn't be happening. She chews on her cheek for a moment and very deliberately pulls away from Nico. She's stopped moving, one hand on her hip, the other, ridiculously, still holding her crepe. "Don't be stupid, Yazawa."

Edited 2016-03-21 02:44 (UTC)

Nico's jaw tenses, the edges of her mouth tugging involuntarily downwards. What's with this palpable silence? Why's Akiha looking at her like she's just grown a second head?

It occurs to Nico, with a bitter little sting, that she may have overestimated her chances.

"I was kidding," she says flatly, "so just take the money." And she plants it in her hand and steps back, allowing no further protest.

The tension's even more palpable now, and Akiha realizes she's made a mistake.

"I'm..." Sorry? But the money's already in her hand, and she can't take that back. For a minute, she imagines a different world - one where she asked if Nico wanted it to be one, used her given name, Nico giggled a little and said they could see...

But this isn't that. She snapped at Nico and pushed her away, literally, and now she has to deal with that.

She puts the money away and falls back into step beside Nico, already missing the warmth of her arm.

"... I didn't know you had those sorts of inclinations, Yazawa."

That is not what she should be talking about right now, but the words are out there.

Nico could make a whole show of looking affronted, chide Akiha for even suggesting such a thing in gest, because of course everyone's idol Nico-nii wouldn't be like that, really, what is she saying?

That would be the smarter option. The safer option. Nico entertains the thought for all of two seconds, before deciding she really, really doesn't have the energy for that crap.

She tears off a mouthful of crepe with her teeth, chews, swallows. "It's the twenty-first century, do you still have to act like that's some sort of insult?"

Akiha wishes she didn't look as surprised as she does. Her eyes actually go wide. She takes a bite of her own food just to buy herself time, work the immediate surprise on her face into something more neutral.

"It's not as if I said it was a bad thing," Akiha mumbles, defensively, and while that's technically true, the way she phrased it wasn't exactly positive either. Those sorts of inclinations. She sounded like an old woman, didn't she?

"... How long have you - known, I suppose?" She asks, trying to be more diplomatic. And stave off her curiosity. Once she gets through the surprise, that's the main emotion she's feeling. Curiosity. A desire to be as confident in her sexuality - she barely even knows the word, has to search for it - as Nico, whatever it turns out to be.

Nico deliberately avoids meeting Akiha's eyes, but she can feel them on her, anyway. It kind of makes her wish a hole would open in the concrete and swallow her whole. She kicks herself internally, for a moment, for not keeping her mouth shut, before returning to her senses and chucking that regret away.

Nico hates dishonesty. She won't let herself feel shame for giving her thoughts and feelings voice. If Akiha has a problem with it, she can go and--

... ask her perfectly polite questions about it, apparently? Nico shoots her an inquisitive glance, her brow lifting. If she wants to make a conversation of it, she supposes she doesn't really mind -- as soon as she spots condescension or disgust in Akiha's voice, though, she's out.

Eyes narrowed, Nico looks around a moment, and once she's ensured no passersby are too close, turns back to Akiha.

"A while, I guess?" She shrugs, takes another bite of her crepe. "It wasn't some dramatic moment of realization like on TV, or whatever. You just keep waiting for your interest in guys to show up like everybody else's, until at some point you figure out that's probably not happening."

There's some confusion in Akiha's voice, certainly. Like she's asking someone about a foreign country. But disgust? Never.

She can sympathize too much with what Nico just said, after all. She chews on Nico's answer and her crepe at the same time, a long silence passing over them as they walk.

"I've never seen it on TV. That's - why I reacted the way I did, I suppose. My home only has one television, and we only bought it after my father passed away. I don't even use it regularly, I just purchased it for Kohaku's sake. She's a surprisingly modern girl," Akiha goes off on a tangent there at the end, but she hopes that helps explain, if not excuse, her response. If her father didn't even care to own a television, it would be easy to guess how old-fashioned he was. And without anything to reference, even exaggerated pop culture, it would be hard to grasp something she had been taught to dismiss.

"It's not as if I've never heard of it, mind. I do go to a girls' school. Sometimes people gossip, and even I'll admit to thinking a few of my underclassmen were charming. But that..." Making it a core part of your identity, referring to an interest in guys as something that could never happen. It all just seems so - foreign.

Akiha chews on her crepe again. It's clear she's thinking a lot about what to say, and more than that it's clear there's a lot of things she wants to say. She opens her mouth a few times and then says nothing, takes another bite of her crepe as they walk. Before long it's gone, and she's left with the empty wrapping. "... I'm sorry. I shouldn't be pushing my curiosity onto you," she finally says.

"But thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. I do appreciate knowing more about you, Yazawa."

Nico's thoughts, in that moment, can be aptly summed up with huh. There's a fleeting glimmer of hope sparked by Akira's own admission, but it's too small to try and grab onto. Beyond that, Akiha's about as pleasant as she could hope anyone to be, but...

"Sure," she mumbles, colored by a strange sense of dissatisfaction. Her crepe's wrapper is thrown in the trash; it was so sweet it's left her throat a little clogged. "You're not weirded out?"

"I'm more than a little surprised, but I'm not - disturbed? It's a complicated feeling, but not a negative one," Akiha stumbles over the words, unsure how to explain herself.

Okay, 'I'm pretty sure I'm gay too,' would be a good explanation, but not one Akiha wants to admit to.

"... Have you actually dated another woman, then?"

Nico's face brightens disproportionately, and her voice jumps up in pitch as it's prone to do: "Don't be absurd! Nico-nii belongs to e-very-one! Teehee!" She holds out a hand in her signature pose for all of one second, then drops it and flips back to normal. "Nah."

Akiha knows she shouldn't, but she can't resist.

"Everyone except men, apparently," she adds, the smirk in her voice pretty audible. It isn't a snipe though, more along the lines of teasing.

"I'd imagine it would be hard to ask someone out, even if you were interested. Them reacting badly would be an issue, wouldn't it?"

Nico suitably answers that witticism by sticking out her tongue. It's a little reassuring, though, that Akiha's comfortable enough to joke about it.

"Yeah, there's stuff like that, I guess. It could get troublesome." She shrugs, as if those things have only barely crossed her mind before. "But it's true that idols aren't supposed to date, you know. For me to consider breaking that rule, it's gotta be someone seriously special."

"It's not as if you're a professional idol. It's just a hobby, isn't it?" Akiha asks - it's more a rhetorical question, though. Those sorts of concerns are part of the reason she's kept her own questions about her sexuality buried deep. It would be too much trouble. Something might happen if she tried to explore it. As the heir of the Tohno family, even a small rumor would ruin her.

"Who would meet those standards, anyway?" Akiha pauses as soon as the words leave her mouth.

"Besides celebrities." Because she's certain Nico would drop everything to date an idol, but that isn't going to happen.

"It's not 'just a hobby'," Nico snaps back, perhaps harsher than strictly necessary. She folds her arms over her chest, one corner of her mouth twisted down. "We might just be school idols now, but I fully intend on making this a stepping stone towards a real career as an idol, and I work every bit as hard as if I were one. So to me, right now, there's no difference."

With Akiha properly scolded, she lets the matter go. Her arms loosen from around her chest with a sigh. "You wanna know?"

Before, she really would have dismissed that as just a childish fantasy - but after seeing her on stage, she really does believe Nico has the determintation to seriously try at it. Whether or not she'll succeed is another story, and whether or not it's even a good idea is up for debate, but she has to respect Nico's resolve. She doesn't argue back, just takes it in, nods, and lets it go as well.

"Yes, if you don't mind telling me. I'm hardly interested in gossip, but I'm..." Figuring this out. Trying to learn by example.

She doesn't want to say those things, so she just lets it trail off.

Geez, you suck at building up anticipation, don't you? With a dissatisfied hum, Nico takes half a step around Akiha, so that she's standing fully in front of her. Then she leans up to look right into her face, drawing out every word with the drama of one very long drumroll: "Do you really, reeaally wanna know?"

Why was Nico being so - Nico about this? Okay, that question answers itself. She supposes the better one would be why does Nico seem to be interested in this line of questioning?

Maybe she just likes talking about herself and her feelings, or there's something she wants to get off her chest. In both cases, though, wouldn't she be pushing forward with this without any input from Akiha? Instead she's dragging it out.

"Yazawa, I already said I do," Akiha sighs, as the point sails over her head and embeds itself in a nearby building.

Nico rolls her eyes, though it's more amused than exasperated. That's Akiha for you, all right. Nico, however, remains undeterred -- even if the other girl refuses to show any real curiosity, she figures drawing it out will at least serve to irritate her, which is honestly good enough for her.

"Well, you see," Nico drawls in a lazy sing-song, rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. "Nico's type iiiis," she stretches up on her tiptoes, until their noses are mere inches apart--

"Cacti," she plainly announces, and manages to retain a straight face for all of two seconds before stumbling back with a howl of laughter, like she just told the greatest joke in the history of the universe.

Akiha actually leaned in as Nico did. Akiha was, at her heart, something of a coward - she could rant at her brother all day, give her classmates an earful whenever she wanted, but when it came to just being herself, she always sidestepped it.

So having Nico be the one to make a move? She leaned in and accepted it, fully prepared to go along with whatever Nico wanted.

-- Which is why she nearly falls flat on her face when Nico pulls away, blinking at her. There's a sense of genuine hurt in her eyes, one she quickly covers by putting her hands on her hips and rolling her eyes.

"If you didn't want to answer, you should have just said so," she snaps, stomping forward as if she wants to just walk past the last twenty minutes or so.

The vulnerability in Akiha's features flashes by unnoticed, and Nico only takes it as yet another of those huffy reactions she's come to know so well. She skips along after her unfazed, hands clasped behind her back. "That's the answer you get for asking so indifferently! Maybe if you're a little more eager next time, I'll tell you properly!"

Why can't Nico see that she was asking eagerly? For how much she tries to act like an adorable idol, she can be incredibly cruel. Akiha's silent for a moment as they walk, then turns to look back at Nico over her shoulder.

"Just drop it, Yazawa. I'm sorry I ever asked," she murmurs, arms stiff at her side, like she's forcing herself to keep them there. She doesn't sound nearly as confident as she did five seconds ago. She turns around and, ridiculously, brings a hand up to her face to check for tears, hoping Nico doesn't catch the motion. So many bizarre feelings are piling up right now, even though she hasn't cried since she was a little girl - what is she supposed to be feeling?

She at least isn't crying, she realizes. Thank goodness. She takes a breath and tries to keep herself going. This isn't Nico's fault. She doesn't know what's going on in Akiha's head, because Akiha's never told her.

"... So you don't need to worry about it," she decides on saying, mostly just to try and fill the air.

As the cloud of self-satisfaction begins to disperse, Nico realizes something is off. Akiha isn't acting frustrated or sulky -- she's just... weirdly quiet, and not really looking at her. Nico blinks at her neck, frowning. Huh? It's just a stupid joke, there's no reason it should piss her off that much... were they having a moment, or something? Was Akiha into it more than she'd realized? Did Nico cut short their special maidens' love life heart-to-heart?

She hastens her next couple of steps to walk by Akiha's side, then lightly nudges her elbow with her own.

"... Hey, I was just teasing."

Akiha, ridiculously, nudges back - it's a bit like she's rejecting the motion, but since she's brushing up against Nico anyway, it comes off as a weird moment of friendship.

"I know," Akiha sighs. "I think you and I were approaching that conversation very differently," she admits, slowing down to make it easier for Nico to keep pace.

"... There are things that I have been - unsure - about. Along the lines of your inclinations." There was that word again. Inclinations. Using coded language made it easier to admit her own feelings, she supposed.

"When you said what you did about waiting to be attracted to men, I found it understandable. Something I could relate to. Please don't take that as anything concrete, but..." But it meant she wanted to know more about how Nico felt.

And of course, the fact that it was Nico also helped.

"Huh?" Nico repeats, out loud this time, as she stares at Akiha blank-faced. If she were to take a moment to pick apart her roundabout, needlessly long-winded word salad, why, it almost sounds like...

"Akiha, you like girls?"

She was making delicious word salad precisely to avoid that reaction. Akiha glances around wildly, then leans in and makes a shushing notion, shaking her head.

"Yazawa, we don't need everyone for five prefectures to know!" Akiha urges, then pauses as she realizes that was something like an admittance of guilt. 'Guilt.' Akiha has some issues.

"-- Rather, we don't need them to know that I am unsure about that. It's complicated."