[ Haruka had prepared herself for some lighthearted jab or another, maybe about the composed vibe she gives off but then proves incapable of sitting still in a chair and keeping quiet for an hour, or how independent and self-sufficient she looks while the most use she can be of in the kitchen is reaching the high cabinets. those are all things she could've easily laughed off -- even if there's more truth to them than she would've liked, they're so minor and inconsequential that there's no need for her to pay them any mind.
this, though, was something wholly different. it feels so far away from her, now -- their first meeting, their conversation on the ship -- and with how comfortable she is being around Michiru, it may as well have been a different person altogether back then. but in reality, it's only been a mere few weeks, and it was her, the exact same Haruka Tenoh, selfish, cowardly, cold, and unnecessarily cruel. Haruka would like to think that she's changed since, and that she will change much, much more from this point on, but really? it hasn't been nearly enough time for her to claim, and much less honestly believe, that that part of her is gone. she wants it to be, she wishes it were, but it's still there, just lying dormant within her.
and even if it were gone now -- it doesn't come close to erasing what she did. ]
Yeah. [ it's small, awkward, and severely lacking on every level. Haruka falls into a brief silence, teeth digging into her lower lip as she searches for something more to say. ]
no subject
this, though, was something wholly different. it feels so far away from her, now -- their first meeting, their conversation on the ship -- and with how comfortable she is being around Michiru, it may as well have been a different person altogether back then. but in reality, it's only been a mere few weeks, and it was her, the exact same Haruka Tenoh, selfish, cowardly, cold, and unnecessarily cruel. Haruka would like to think that she's changed since, and that she will change much, much more from this point on, but really? it hasn't been nearly enough time for her to claim, and much less honestly believe, that that part of her is gone. she wants it to be, she wishes it were, but it's still there, just lying dormant within her.
and even if it were gone now -- it doesn't come close to erasing what she did. ]
Yeah. [ it's small, awkward, and severely lacking on every level. Haruka falls into a brief silence, teeth digging into her lower lip as she searches for something more to say. ]
I'm not proud of that.